well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
