What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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