Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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