Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
