I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
