I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
