he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
