Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
