just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize