Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
