I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
