If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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