I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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