So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
