First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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