On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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