you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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