God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
