Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
