I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
