i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
