I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize