he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
FUCK WHALES
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
