maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
