I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize