I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
