I wish I could punch you in the face.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
