There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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