She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
