my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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