This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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