Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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