Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
