Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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