I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
