JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
