She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
