I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
