She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
