I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
