Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
