Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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