i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
