also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
