He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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