This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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