if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
