Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
