You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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