I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
