i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it penis luge time yet?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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