they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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