i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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