girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
