All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
