420 ftw
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize