I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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