I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
