i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
