I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
