apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
