im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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