You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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