Kiss
Puke
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
