Will you blow on my dice?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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